My Top 10 Favorite Birds.

Wow, I haven't updated this blog since last Christmas. Time for a new post.

Well, I've been learning a lot about birds lately, so how about a top 10 list of my favorite birds?

Birds are cool. I know we tend to overlook birds in favor of our fellow mammals, and they never really interested me much as a kid, but now I think they're really cool, and as you will see, sometimes really badass and scary. I have a somewhat morbid fascination with animals that could potentially maim or kill me. Remember: birds are the dinosaurs that SURVIVED THE EXTINCTION EVENT THAT KILLED T. REX. And sometimes I can't decide if they still rule the world, or are trying to take it back by force from us upstart mammals. Oh, and everyone who thinks feathered dinosaurs are lame, well, see how you feel at the end.

I always have a hard time picking favorite animals, so I may or may not change my mind about the order I put these in, but I'll try to narrow it down. So, with out further ado, here's my Top 10 Favorite Birds.

10: The Emperor Penguin
Aptenodytes forsteri

All penguins are cool, but Emperors stand out not only for their resilience (they migrate every year over miles of inhospitable wasteland to breed in the harshest place on earth), but for the fact that they (unlike their smaller, coastal-dwelling cousins) actually care about each other! Breeding colonies of Emperors will huddle together against the cold, and traveling groups will take frequent rest stops to allow stragglers to catch up.


But just because they aren't as aggressive as their cousins doesn't mean Emperors can't put up a fight. They weigh half as much as a human male, and in one case, a crew of six men, trying to capture a single male penguin for a zoo collection, were repeatedly tossed around and knocked over before all of the men had to collectively tackle the bird.

Enjoy the cuteness while it lasts. This list gets scary.

You go, Emperor Penguin. You are an inspiration to all of us.

9: The Shoebill
Balaeniceps rex

This is where it starts to get scary. You have been warned.

The Shoebill (also nicknamed "B. rex") is a stork-like bird from the swamps of eastern Africa. This bird has to be one of the strangest-looking birds I have ever seen. It reminds me of a phorusrhacid, or a Dr. Seuss character. Or both. It's also one of the more sinister-looking birds. If there was a Shoebill in an animated film, it would be voiced by Tim Curry. This exotic bird is so unusual, that scientists have a hard time classifying it. Traditionally, it was classified along with herons and storks in the order Ciconiiformes, but recently some authorities have reclassified it in the order Pelecaniformes.

Shoebills will eat anything they can catch, including baby crocodiles, waterfowl, small mammals, and even turtles!

Alright, kids. Time for your daily dose of Nightmare Fuel.

They are also the only bird that is occasionally quadrupedal; using it's wings to push itself off the ground after lunging for prey.

B. rex is also the only bird in history known to have perfected the "Kubrick Stare".

"Evening, Commissionerrr!"

8: Great Blue Heron
Ardea herodias

I think all herons are cool, but the Great Blue is most familiar to me, so that is the species I have chosen to include here. Herons are well-known to be fish-eaters, but what many people don't realize is that, like the Shoebill, they are opportunistic predators, that will eat anything they can swallow, including ducklings, and small mammals as big as rabbits! As someone who was once bitten by a rabbit that I was trying to feed, I think that's pretty cool.

Couldn't find a video, sorry. The closest thing I found to a video was one of those awful Youtube slide-shows with obnoxious music. You would thank me for not posting it. 

7:Ground Hornbills
Bucorvus sp.

"This is the Morning Report."

There are two species of Ground Hornbill (Bucorvinae): The Southern Ground Hornbill ( Bucorvus leadbeateri), and the Abyssinian Ground Hornbill (Bucorvus abyssinicus). In recent years, it has been pointed out that Ground Hornbills are somewhat analogous to hominids. They live long lives - up to 70 years - and form families consisting of a breeding couple and their offspring. The older siblings help raising the younger, and are actually incapable of breeding without years of experience as a helper. An average family group only breeds once every three years, and manages to raise a chick to adulthood every nine years, which makes them extremely slow breeders by any standards.

These ground-living birds are capable hunters, killing all kinds of creatures including insects, snakes, other birds, amphibians and even tortoises. They live in the savannahs of Africa, exactly where the family groups of early humans lived, walking around and eating much the same things. They also have a wide field of binocular vision (rare in birds, but again, in common with humans) that allows them to see precisely what they are doing with their beaks. Also like humans, Ground Hornbills are descended from tree-dwelling ancestors. So, sorry Dale Russel. Your "Weirdo Goof" Dinosauroid isn't going to cut it. This is about as humanoid as dinosaurs get.

6: The Golden Eagle
Aquila chrysaetos

"This bird Jupiter is thought first to have singled out from the tribe of birds, because it alone, men say, strives to fly straight into the rays of the rising sun."

The ancient Greeks and Romans used the Golden Eagle as a symbol of their principle deities Zeus and Jupiter, and it's not hard to see why! Golden Eagles are totally badass. They're well-known to be predators of small animals, but they will also occasionally go for bigger game including full-grown ungulates! These animals are too heavy for the eagles to carry, so they merely drag them off the edge of cliffs, and let them die on impact! There are even reports of them attempting to do this to humans!

The Mongols (a nation of badasses if there ever was one) have managed to harness the sheer badassery of the Golden Eagle, and have trained them to hunt wolves!

If there is anything in any way disappointing about the Golden Eagle, it's the noises it makes. You know that iconic eagle scream you hear in movies? Turns out it's actually the call of a Red-tailed Hawk. Actual eagle vocalizations are rather unimpressive chirpy sounds.
Oh well. They're still awesome. If I was being attacked by one at high altitudes, I wouldn't care what noises it was making, would you?

5: The Great Tit
Parus major

Great Tits fight dirty. Please don't take that out of context.

Before you even ask; no, I am definitely not including them here for the name. I will try to keep comments about the name to a minimum.

Great Tits are cute little birds that eat mostly insects and seeds. They use their fairly powerful beak to break into hazelnuts and acorns (and other things, but we'll get to that later). They are also tool-users, reported on occasion to use conifer needles to winkle insect larvae out of bark.

Oh, and they also happen to be totally badass. And scary as all Hell.

Two of them did this!

Great Tits have been known to raid nesting boxes and kill the inhabitants to make way for their own nests, feed on hanged human corpses, and perhaps most horrifically; use their powerful beaks to crush the skulls of (and even decapitate) other birds, and bats to eat their brains! A behavior that has earned them the nickname "Zombie Tits". And indeed, genetically-modified  giant Great tits would make for excellent biological warfare against zombies. That is, until they inevitably turned on us!

Make note of this, Hollywood. Any movie with a title like "Giant Great Tits vs Zombies" is sure to be a success.

Now for something completely different...

4: The Grey Jay
Perisoreus canadensis

 The Grey Jay or Whiskey Jack is a member of the family Corvidae found in the boreal forests across North America north to the tree-line and in subalpine forests of the Rocky Mountains south to New Mexico and Arizona. Grey Jays are my favorite part of hiking/camping in the mountains. Unlike many previous birds on this list, they don't do anything particularly disturbing (okay, they prey on defenseless nestling birds, but let's not count that). In fact, these birds are so tame, they will eat right out of your hand, making it very easy to trick naive tourists, and some uninformed locals into think that you are some kind of mystical nature guru.

Not me. I probably have a photo of me feeding Grey Jays somewhere, but I'm too lazy to go looking for it.

What else can I say? The Grey Jay is just one of those things that make me glad to live in Canada.

3: Cassowaries
Casuarius sp.

The Cassowary is just one of those Australian animals that will try to kill you on sight. It is also, in my opinion, the most beautiful ratite to look at. In a weird Jurassic Park sort of way, that is. Oh, and did I mention it can kill you?

The Cassowary is the world's most dangerous bird. The inner or second of the bird's three toes is fitted with a dagger-like claw that can reportedly sever arms and eviscerate abdomens! There are even reports of them cutting open car doors!

Though, actual deaths by Cassowary attack are rare, one unfortunate story tells of two teenage boys who tried to beat a Cassowary to death with sticks (bad idea). The bird kicked the older boy in the neck, opening a 1.25 cm (0.49 in) wound which may have severed his carotid artery. The boy managed to escape, but died shortly afterwards as a result of his injuries.

Not only does the Cassowary look and behave like something from Jurassic Park, but in fact ratites are the closest living relatives of Velociraptor!

2: Crows.
Corvus sp.

"Nevermore."

A crow is any member of the genus Corvus, including the species that we call ravens an jackdaws. Crows are so common, that we often take them for granted, but these are truly remarkable birds! The most remarkable thing about them being their intelligence. You know how I mentioned that Great Tits use tools? Well, crows can actually make their own tools! They have been observed (and filmed! See below) bending wires and twigs into hooks to reach food, a problem-solving ability that puts them on par with some primates!

Their intelligence has a playful, mischievous side. They seem to enjoy pulling the tails of larger animals.

They also have a sadistic side, and will use their intelligence to mess with stupider animals, like these cats.

And, like most bird on this list, crows have a very well-defined badass streak. They are well-known to mob, and even kill large birds of prey like owls.

Intelligent, manipulative, and all around badass. No wonder the ancient Norsemen used a crow (specifically Corvus corax) as the bird symbol of Odin.

Oh, and back to the topic of birds of prey, we now come to my Number One Favorite Bird... *drum roll*

1: The Lammergeier
Gypaetus barbatus

The Lammergeier, or Bearded Vulture is my go-to bird for when people complain about feathered dinosaurs. I mean just look at this thing! This has to be one of the most impressive-looking birds, no, one of the most impressive looking animals I have ever seen! There is not a single picture of the Lammergeier available on the Internet that is anything short of breath-taking!
The Lammergeier resembles something designed for a fantasy film, right down to it's diet. It lives almost entirely on bones, which it breaks into fist-sized chunks that are dissolved in stomach juices as strong as an acid bath! Just watch this video:

The Lammergeier is also one of those birds that can potentially kill you. There are reports of them driving large animals (including humans!) off cliffs, so they can EAT THE MARROW IN THEIR BONES!!!

Don't like feathered dinosaurs? Well, the Lammergeier has a bone to pick with you!

I am so sorry about that joke, Lammergeier. Please don't kill me!

In summary: I think the Bearded Vulture is beautiful! Even that sentence is impressive! Who would have thought a vulture could be beautiful!

So, that's my top 10 favorite birds. Honorable mention goes to the Secretary Bird, chickens (yes, I think chickens are cool), the owl and parrot clades, and any other awesome birds that were left out.

At this point, if you still think feathered dinosaurs are lame, I will feed you to the Giant Great Tits.

Untill next time, I'm Connor Lachmanec, and this is just my opinion.

Yeah, I might want to work on that catchphrase.